Palace of Local Monstrosities to Close

Middle Earth-Tuesday

Local Mordor residents were shocked with news that it’s only gentle-orc’s club, The Meadows, will be shut down as of Thursday.

The news of the closure sent shock waves from Moira to Isengard as the establishment, founded during The Second Age, sometime after the fall of Numenor, was a pillar of class and savvy throughout the dry, barren, desolate steppes of Nurn. Offering stunning views of Barad-Dur and Orodruin, the club featured butterfly-eating competitions, Sauron Karaoke Wednesdays, and the famous Flesh-Stripping Cabarets featuring several happy, yet unfortunate passersby touring the Land of Shadows.

Receiving a boost from the Mordor Board of Tourism during the early 670’s The Meadows enjoyed great reviews from critics, most touting it as “the premiere place for empty ocular stuffed spider balls.”

The Meadows manager/owner Thromurth K’k, an orc himself, was disenchanted as he loaded a dragon-pulled covered wagon full of armor, swords and napkins.

“Gurrk sak hurrgle! Hurrgle!” K’k shouted.

Thromurth’s college buddy Vrirk Hurbag translated for elevendy twelven: “I guess this is how they thank you for holding up the entertainment standards in this soul-forsaken, piss stain excuse for a town!” Obviously, K’k does not feel the need to hide his disappointment in the decision.

An open auction will be held this weekend to distribute the unused corpses and silverware. Though Mr. K’k plans to open a Circle K© in Orthanc, he still is a little weepy as he gazes back at the gaping cave-hole adorned with trees made of bodies, skeletons and excrement that served as his once-famous and well-received establishment.

Board members showed up to help load Thromurth’s wagon, but after several bitten faces, Mr. K’k called the group a bunch of “Ash-holes” and flew away on his getaway dragon.